My funny Valentine (and this time, it's not the child)

Remember these good and oh-so sassy intentions? They are still top-of-mind. It's just that other thoughts are in there, too.

It was the first full day of sunshine in a week and I woke up to whispers from the trundle bed below me, "Mommmmmmy! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Lil E fell asleep last night, the sound of weekenders whizzing by in their cars late into the night. The lanai, just off the room where we are staying while we are with my parents in Florida, was shadowed by headlights, palm fronds blowing in the wild wind and the curtains that barely cover the sliding glass doors.

Just before he drifted off in the midst of all that, he leaned into my shoulder and whispered, "I am just so excited about Valentine's Day."

I love that about this boy, that the smallest details thrill him and that he anticipates every single celebration. It makes my job easy and appreciated.

Downstairs, I later sprinkled the kitchen table with candy hearts, decorated envelopes that held big, fancy cards and wrapped little gifts -- books and a magnet -- for my family. This morning, he paused to pose for photos before opening each thing with more fanfare than Christmas.

It was a lovely and tender start to a day that was, of course, also touched with moments of crabbiness and threats of toy time-outs and a nap that was too short. Still, it was a day that tugged at my heart. This amped up, tired, sensitive, talkative child was, more than any metaphor could adequately describe, lit up by the love.

It fills me up, truly. I thought about that as we put our bare feet in the sand and gulf water for the first time on this trip. And I would be dishonest if I said it was enough.

Maybe this is too selfish to admit too loudly, but I believe other single parents out there will understand. My child's love is big and, as much as I wrap myself around his small body to sing him to sleep or smother him in kisses or make him laugh, it envelopes me. There is room, though. There is room for the love of a partner. He cannot take that place. I won't let him. It's not fair to either of us. 

Perhaps it is the convergence of this holiday and spending a week with my parents and feeling the emptiness where I've not had a true partner in a very, very long time and the worry that my companions will only ever be my parents and...and...and...(deep breath). Those thoughts tumbled through my head while I pieced together a heart out of shells on the sand while Lil E chased birds and my parents walked side by side at the tide line.

Is it just timing? Or is it just time for something real and viable and wonderful to make itself at home in that open space? Am I ready, really ready, for that someone?

Quite honestly (no, really), I don't need a new love just to celebrate Valentine's Day. I think I did need the realization that I am in a good place, a happy and healthy place, and that might be the cue for that partner in crime to make his entrance.

I don't expect my kid to take the place of that kind of love. He's already in for plenty of therapy and that seems like way too much pressure. I guess that also means I can't stress that my parents will be the only people standing next to me forevermore, especially since I'm already in plenty of therapy and that only adds pressure to something I can't really control.

For today, I wore the big heart ring my boy carefully picked out for me for Christmas, planted lipstick kisses he calls "the mommy mark" on his cheeks, and whispered back to him that I loved him with my whole heart. The rest, I will have to exhale and trust will meet me at the shore.

More good lovin' on Sassafrass:

That Betsey Johnson ring Lil E chose for me (similar to this one) is pretty sweet. And so is this tee my boy got me last year for Valentine's Day.

That empty space? I do still believe shoes may fill it up. At least until you have to sit down ten minutes later.

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Friday shoegasm: Please help me get over my fear of booties

If you've ever seen me wobbling around a shoe department, you already know that I have absolutely no apprehension about sliding my feet into a pair of frankenheels or even a pair of Chewbacca boots just for kicks.

There's something about booties that has, for several seasons, had me shaking in my safe, long-zippered knee-highs. 

I told this to the stylist who she swathed me in sequins and denim and then slipped a pair of butterscotch-colored booties on my bare feet.

"Really? Truly?", I asked before I looked at my whole self in the reflection of the mirror. "I can get away with these at the ends of my short legs? I'm nervous to even look."

"Of course!" she rallied me on. Then she insisted I buy myself a pair as a break from all the calf suffocation I've been doing.

I'm generally pretty good at taking fashion direction, particularly when it is from a woman waving strappy leather things and sexy dresses in front of me. But the booties advice? I haven't followed it.

Yet. I suppose I am most apprehensive that wearing short little shoes will cut off the long line I try very hard to create in a Stacy-and-Clinton sort of way with slim, dark denim and A-line skirts with just a slight flair. Or what if I ka-lump ka-lump around in them in that way Posh Spice walks, making her look like her shoes are the giant anchor for her Weeble Wobble body?

Even if I do muster the courage, am I too late in the trend or the year to hop on the bootie train?

It is a dilemma of platform proportions.

Quick! Before I sneak off and buy ANOTHER pair of patent peep toes -- like these darlings with the delicate criss-cross straps offset by their killer 1987 blue eyeliner hue (now on sale on the designer deal site Gilt.com for $168) -- give me some guidance on which booties to choose and if I should just let this trend pass me by altogether.

One of my grrrlfriends, who showed up to a dinner party at my house a few weeks ago in an adorable cotton tee dress, thick black leggings and suede booties assured me that I don't have to reserve them just for jeans. If I get a pair, I need them to be versatile.

Keep that in mind when you're being brutally honest about putting booties on my feet. OK, shoe mavens, hit me with your opinions!

I love that these leather babies by Nine West have a simple design and clean lines with just a bit of v-cut flair at each side of the ankle. At $99 and 4-inches high...totally practical, right?. Alright, not practical, but classic and safe.

 I'm not going to skirt the truth, lovelies. It's the bondage booties that first convinced me it might be time to try something (ahem) new.

Right now, these gold-buckled vixens (on sale for $97) and the multi-zippered vamps at the top of the post (on sale for $99) ,both by Type Z, are kinda doing it for me.

First let me clarify that there's no way I am going to spend three-hundy on a pair of shoes I am afraid to wear. And since I believe one must be very careful when placing ruffles on footwear, you might think that these shoes would be way out of the running. Not so. For some reason, the leather ruffles and ultra-pointed heel give these booties a more feminine feel -- kind of like adding a headband and lipstick when you're wearing your dad's button-down and your huzbin's jeans from college. ($279 by Elizabeth and James.)

I talk a good game about simple and classic choices, but who am I trying to kid? I am a sucker for adornment. And since my hair is too short and fine to smother in peacock feather Carrie Bradshaw headbands, I might as well consider booties with a big ass flower on them. Please say these are pretty.No pressure, but Rachael Zoe does (at least when she can see around that over-sized brown bear she wears as a vest).  These are by Kelsi Dagger and ring up at $139.

What say you?

Didn't see a style you're cheering for? Here are a few that I ixnayed immediately -- no, also no, good God no and ohhhh hellll no.

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3 things to wrap up for yourself this Valentine's Day

This year, I will be sweetly and quietly completely single.

OK, I won't be that quiet. Although right now I am challenged to just "be" in my singleness, I am actively seeking ways to delight in the quiet time to make my way through a queue full of Netflix movies and seasons of shows I missed when I was out with cute boys who kept me out way too late.

I am focusing on training for a running relay and sometimes I even take more than one bubble bath in a day. The stillness (well, not on the treadmill, but definitely when I am huffing and puffing afterward, and certainly in the tub) that has come in spending this time alone has been good for me. And it has also made me appreciate the time I have out, catching up with my girlfriends and taking off on a weekend vacation.

Don't get me wrong, I will be spoiled on Valentine's Day. By myself, for myself.

Nothing lavish. Nothing budget-blowing. Nothing life-changing. Nothing practical. Just something that will remind me that I deserve to be delighted. I'm thinking about buying and wearing a pair of saucy red knickers that no one else really needs to know about to give me a thrill. Or maybe a big old gaudy cocktail ring to flash when I'm tapping away at my laptop, working late at night. Perhaps a new belly ring or lipstick or ridiculously small and adorable clutch purse. Of course, I always accept shoes from myself with great appreciation and bliss.

Would I love someone to celebrate romantically with this year? Oh hell yes. But so far, the men have all come and gone (or have been politely asked to exit stage left). I'm the one who is sticking around, so I might as well invest in myself. And this VDay, myself wants something pretty, preferably in red.

Here are three little things I suggest every single mama consider buying herself for the big day:

1. Knickers that give you a little kick, even just to go to work, yoga or to preschool pick-up. I love these by Anthropologie -- saucy, sheer and...spendy (dammit). If you're on a budget, Target has some adorable undies that are inexpensive and will fit your booty and your bill. These tap pants have the same feel and are just under ten bucks.

 I feel especially sassy in ruffle panties (I suggest filling your top dresser drawer with pairs in many colors), like these in heart-stopping red. 

And if you want to take the ruffles you have up a notch, go for this raunchalicious petticoat. Who cares if you only parade it around for yourself while you do chores you otherwise dread or while you work up the courage to finally finish your online dating profile? I bet it will be the best $29 you've ever spent.

Think panties have to be tiny? I beg to differ, darling. These high-waisted pin-up panties in ohhh-la-la see-through leopard fabric are the hotness. While your belly is breathing easy (OK, easier) in these, you can concentrate on cramming your boobs into the itty bitty matching bra.

2. Cocktail baubles that take the weight off that liberated ring finger.  This bold black glass ring is the antithesis of a diamond -- and isn't that the point. I will resist the urge to write relevant messages to exes and wearing it on my middle finger. Instead, I will envision myself looking mod and sophisticated whilst easing an olive from my dirty martini into my red lipsticked mouth with this capping off the whole scene. It's from Etsy and $25.

Looking for something a bit less expensive but with the same brashness? I'm not ashamed to admit that some of my favorite (for the moment) jewelry (that lasts a few months...a very fun few months, but a few months nonetheless) is from Forever 21. Seriously, dolls. Their Bold Center Ring is comprised completely of cheap ass plastic but looks killer on. You can even bling it up a bit for the same price with this "diamond" and "lacquer" flower number. Best part? Each under five bucks. Oh, yes.

Want something sweeter? I also adore this vintage-inspired locket ring and advocate putting a picture of the true love you don't give nearly enough time and attention...yourself. Shhh, I won't tell anyone. I promise. $28.

 3. Luscious, luscious lips. I don't care where you are going or who you are seeing or even if you are sitting in front of a laptop at home alone all weekend, I think you should at least try to get a little lippy and see how it feels. My bet? Staring at the laptop screen or singing "Wheels on the Bus" will never be so glam. Do you need to wear it every single day? Of course not. Just paint it on when you really want to shake things up a bit. With lipstick? Of course. Honey, a red that works with your skin tone or a gloss that reflects the twinkle in your eyes will do wonders. Trust me.

I'm an over-accessorized child of the 80s, so clearly, I recommend this VIVA GLAM CYNDI shade of red by my very favorite cosmetic-maker, MAC. $14 bucks of she-bopping (ahem) grrrl fun.

I am fond of lip stains on those days when I want to look like I've fussed over myself without actually fussing over myself. And let's be honest, the dark, dark colors make the goth-grrrl-wannabe emerge for just a few hours. For $20, this one by Laura Mercier is balmy, not chalky or flaky, and the pretty little compact will last a long time.

My purse is packed full of Sephora lip gloss in light, sparkly colors for those days when I need to go for more of a hint than a PA-DOW. At $10 each, you can choose a stand-by safety color and still go for something a little crazy like...ohhhh, Bronzed Beauty that is red with gold shimmer (get wild, grrrls!).

No one paid me in cash, 401(K) contributions, panties or Swiffers to give my opinion about these products. The reviews and receipts are all my own.

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