is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
Best gifts for kids after a divorce
Friday, December 9, 2011 Oh, how a parent, particularly one who is going through or has just been through a divorce, wants the holidays to be magical, restorative, everything for their kids. And there's just too much that can interrupt the sweetness and snow.
I've been through a few of these holidays. I've passed by windows decorated with Harry Potter and Santa with his miles-long nice list in department stores that smell like Chanel perfume and faux fur on my way to the courtroom. I've yelled back at my ex on the porch on Christmas Day while my mother distracted my little boy inside. I've sobbed into my dad's chest after sending my son off with his father only hours after Santa visited. Those moments were tough. But the days, the actual holidays themselves, were also wrapped up in a lot of hope and calm. Maybe because, after all of that, I needed them to be, we needed them to be.
Things are better now. Mostly. What I've learned is to hold on to the time with my son that I do have. And to put thought, rather than just money, into the holidays we share together. It's easy to throw a debit card at a holiday to make it feel BIG! WONDERFUL! PERFECT!, especially when the child will head off in a Honda CR-V to his dad's house where there it will surely be BIGGER! MORE WONDERFUL! EVEN MORE PERFECT! It's easy to make the gift-giving a game, with your kid in the middle (again).
I do buy gifts. Maybe more than I should (I'm working on that). Aside from the ridiculous Lego sets with 8,000 pieces and 400th stuffed animal and play kitchen kitchen that took five hours to assemble, I've learned that the gift that really means something has always been the one that I've put my whole, throbbing, sometimes-terribly-broken, often-gushing heart into for my son. It's the gift that says, "This isn't what it used to be. And I see that means for you. I love you and I get it."
It's the gift I make or buy that puts away a joint parenting agreement, an irrational text message, even an hour or two alone next to the Christmas tree to validate what the small child is experiencing. Of course, it's not the only time he (or your child, I am quite sure) has been the focus of love and attention during a divorce -- many of us leave our relationship with the kids' other parent because we want their lives to be better. Still, it's the opportunity to pad what can be time that's full of heartache and hope for everyone in every house.
Do you have a child you'd like to give something more than a LeapPad Explorer or American Girl armoire of outfits? Here are the gifts you can give a kid you love whose family is in the midst of a separation, divorce or big change that will tell them (and remind you) that it's all going to be OK.
Seedling DIY Family Kit ($40) - Your child's family (and many children's families) probably aren't made up of the standard dollhouse foursome anymore. This kit is an artistic, empowering, lovely way of acknowledging that's perfectly fine. You and your child can decorate the wooden people to make up the people in your family that feel most familiar.
