Today, I celebrate three years of gainful, full-time employment. At one job.
That's right, thirty-six months, including a handful of vacation days, a few miserable sick days, some squeezed-in time for physical therapy, adjustments, and a quick run in the snow, all for the very same employer.Crazy, right? I'm pretty sure I get some kind of neoprene laptop case or leftover swag slippers for this momentous anniversary.
Here are a few ways I'm still making good on my contract, by uncovering undeniably compelling issues such as:
Possibly the freakiest IVF treatment ever. Not interested? Would the promise of miming doctors and balloon animals get your attention?
People who not only NAME their babies, they name them after someone famous. I know! No, this does not include any Mileys or CeeLos.
When we lie to other mothers. Not me. Nooooo, never. Never, ever me. Not a-once.
...and also by getting all preachy about things like:
9 ways to burn kids' energy without breaking the house in half. Note that I didn't say "and keeping it clean enough so you're not nutters the night before the cleaning lady comes."
5 ways to make this a better year for your family. Please wait until I'm out of earshot to laugh about the part on being less yelly.
Abortion rights, the definition of rape, health care reform and other things that infuriate and inspire me to speak louder, keep voting and wave my wingnut women studies card around in the air a lot.
A study that says more kids can use an app than can tie their shoes, followed by my own snarkiness about why this could possibly cause a problem (for anyone other than the first three commenters who slay me as a writer, mother and human being walking this planet with my shoelaces all undone).
Now do your part and stuff a twenty into the communal card for me, click on over and help me keep my corner office and unlimited supply of Post-It Notes and Dixie Cups!