is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
It's not that I don't love you. It's just that I'm ignoring you
Tuesday, April 6, 2010 For the first time in...well, years, I was relaxed. And it lasted for four whole days.
We've been on other vacations, from Florida to Oregon, but I hadn't slept so hard, smiled with such ease, or unplugged for as long as I did during our days in Richmond.
Of course, there was this precious, beautiful, bright-eyed baby nephew at the center of our trip. There was my brother -- beaming -- and my sister-in-law -- amazingly relaxed. There was a big, lovely pool at the hotel and leisurely naps that lasted until dinner time. And did I mention that baby who, for some crazy reason, puts himself to sleep when you lay him down in the basinet and giggles with the most delightful baby coo when Lil E and I tell him jokes we formerly believed only the two of us thought were hilarious, fussed over his tiny ears, and while we passed him from one lap to another and back again?
Lil E and I are so in love.
Giving so much time and attention to this tiny child made the hours I had alone in the hotel with Lil E feel even more precious. We laughed out loud every night while reading the final chapters of our most recent favorite book series. We played our new favorite swimming game, kung-pool fighting. We swam laps. And when he realized there was a giant television in both rooms of our hotel suite and asked sweetly, "May I please have complete control of THIS television in the bedroom all to myself?", how could I turn him down? He squealed then and the next day when I agreed to let him watch two whole episodes of "Hannah Montana" while I watched a movie in the little living area.
We've certainly traveled a lot together, Lil E and I, but I've honestly been apprehensive about taking a big trip, just the two of us. We've met up with friends in other cities and been around the country with my parents, and that has been both wonderful and an education in that part of single motherhood. I'm itchy to take him to Ireland, Australia, the Grand Canyon. And I've also been nervous to be the only adult, that I might be overwhelmed or bored or something.
As much as Richmond is not hiking through Italy or wading the beaches Oahu, I saw myself -- organized, calm, energetic, and startlingly relaxed. And I saw Lil E -- excited, silly, delighted, and so good. And I felt so much -- proud, connected, sure that we can handle much bigger adventures.
What a gift to know this now.
On our last day in Richmond, I was kissing my nephew's face while Lil E climbed up on to the free half of my lap and nuzzled into my neck. The night before, I'd been dreaming up ideas for our next vacation, intermediary trips on the way to something bigger and abroad. Philadelphia? Mexico? Michigan? Sitting there with those two boys and giant, pounding heart, Lil E's voice squeaked, "Can we please come back to Richmond again soon?"
I couldn't help but nod.
"We will," I said assuredly. "Soon."
The days since our return have gone by quickly, filled with work projects and Kindergarten paperwork and all the daily tasks we'd easily forgotten racing through the pool at the hotel. Our plans for more travel, just Lil E and me, are in the works, though. Not confirmed or planned or even narrowed down yet, but spinning through my brain just the same.
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