Lil E explains: The difference between boys and ladies (yes, there are nipples involved)

In a conversation that had already gone on too long and about which I PROMISE not to elaborate on here about why something my son thinks he is politely referring to as a "tushy hole" is juuuuust an "itty bit darker" and looks like a little flower, I did my motherly best to halt the hiney talk.

Yes, this means I brought up boobs.

"Well, not all of the skin is the same color all over our bodies," I explained in my best and well-practiced Sciencey Mommy voice. "Like the birthmark on your elbow. That looks like a little football but the rest of your skin is paler."

And because I struggle often to let enough be enough, I kept on.

"Or nipples. Nipples are darker than the rest of your skin, too."

At this mention, Lil E (ahem) perked up.

"LIKE WHAT ABOUT DIMPLES?!" he smiled in surprise and glee in a way that makes me think there really is a gene dedicated to spending well over the normal amount of time and attention speaking of breasts that I have clearly passed on to the small child (sorry, small child). I'm not sure why he calls them dimples now after several years of calling them by their correct name.

Really, Lil E doesn't even call them dimples. More accurately (I guess), he calls them "DIMPOHHHHS", which I think is utterly (again...ahem) adorable and will not correct nor prevent. I blame it on the damn boob gene.

So the question blurted out more like, "LIKE WHAT ABOUT DIMPOHHHHS?!", to which I responded that everyone has nipples but some are pink and some are more reddish and others are brown in color. What can I say? The kid is curious. I just dole out the answers and pray they are developmentally appropriate. And also that I can keep myself from referring to "pepperoni nipples" as one stop on the areola color spectrum.

There was quiet, as there always is when this 5-year old's brain is cranking away on important life learnings like ta-tas and tushies. I tried to busy myself with picking up Lego pieces from the floor and folding tiny pairs of strewn-about undies.

"OHHHHHHHHHHH," he finally nodded, carefully watching his fingers as he pressed them to the tiny little sand-tinted bits on his own chest. "So everybody has dimpohhhs and they can be different colors."

Then came more quiet, as there always in when a really good nugget of analysis is about to fall from the preschooler's mind.

"Another really big difference is that little boys have little, tiny dimpohhhhs AND..." he paused once more, emphasizing the real (last ahem, I swear) of it all, "...LADIES have really LONNNNNG dimpohhhs. Right, Mommy?"

Right, kid. I have no idea where in the world you might have seen those, but, yes...right. Tiny and lonnnnng. That is -- or could be in some other family -- the difference.

And with that, I thanked the body goddesses we were not still talking about fanny flowers, zipped up the kid's footie pajamas, and hurried him off to bed.

Comments

[furiousball]

ahh, now it all makes sense, thanks Lil E

[Pippi]

Funny. And I was trying to explain wet dreams to my 7 and 10 year old sons last week. Gag.

[Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass)]

Oh, God. WET DREAMS? It gets worse than this? Oy.

And Furiousball, here I was thinking you knew it all...