is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
37
Monday, April 20, 2009 Over the weekend, I turned 37. I'll be honest, I don't love the number. But I do love where I am in my life, who is in my tribe and where I see myself going in the days, weeks and years ahead.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have a clear path. But I have a vision for how I want to live, the person I want to be and what I hope will manifest as time unfolds.
I know. It sounds awfully hoodoo-guru-ey, doesn't it? These years, though, have taught me I can hold on to those thoughts. When I began to worry how in the hell I would do this all on my own -- where I would find full-time work, where Lil E would go to school, where I would live, how I would make it, who I would love, how I would find time and space and support to take care of myself somewhere in there, too -- it all came to me.
Yes, I am blessed. I am grateful every day to God for all she has placed both firmly and fragilely in my palm. But I also believe that the universe, as well as my friends and family and even strangers, have heard my whispers and responded. It has fallen in place.
There is much to do. I know this. My brain is always working on those projects and ideas and strategies, just as it has for every year I can remember. I am also working on how to be the woman I want to be -- more centered, more rested, more creative. There are tangible tasks and a to-do list that is always running in my mind and on countless tiny Post-It notes on my desk. On birthdays, maybe, those scrawled out reminders can be pushed aside or swept into a drawer just to take breath and a step back to think about bigger new beginnings.
This is what I wished for as Lil E and I blew out the candles on the cake my mom made me. I want to be more and more myself. I want to find new parts of me. I want to ease the worries and enjoy what I have been given.
No matter how meditative I get on all of it, I know this will not be a year to relax. I do think, though, it is a year to revel.
I bought a magnet that is on my refrigerator to remind me of all of this. It is glittery and pale green and has a winged angel on it. The words
BREATHE BELIEVE RECEIVE
hover above her and across her spread skirts,
IT'S ALL HAPPENING
And at 37, I choose to think that, in a whisper above the whoosh of our breath over the candles, the universe heard me. And she, like me, is cooking up a plan.
(Aren't these roses gorgeous? They accompanied a sweet little red teapot and an upcoming party - more on this later - from my mom and dad.)
Reader Comments (6)
I'm turning 37 this summer, and I'm going to meditate long and hard over your wisdom. Thank you.
Happy Birthday.
(and yes. I adore the fact you used feminine when you referred to G-d).