Gearing up

As another holiday approaches, I've felt that familiar feeling crawl up and make me catch my breath. How in the world would I handle Halloween -- Halloween! -- without being with my child? Halloween is all about the child. The very idea of him trick-or-treating without his friends, without me, in some unfamiliar neighborhood was unbearable. For a moment.

As I have learned to do over these few years, I exhaled. It will be OK, I put out to the universe, I promised myself.

Our parenting agreement simply says we will share this day with our son. Over the past few years, this has required very little negotiation since Halloween landed on a day Lil E was at home with me and his dad was working late into the evening. This year, though, it falls right in the middle of a daddy weekend.

And so I slowed my breathing, put on my best calm voice, and called The Ex to explain all the reasons why I thought it we be best for our boy to dress up as Luke Skywalker and join his pack of costumed buddies to trick-or-treat in the neighborhood near his school. I offered to drive to the suburbs to pick Lil E up, I said I wanted to make it work out for all of us.

Surprisingly, he agreed. Although my time with the young Jedi will only come to two hours, it is still two hours of doorbells and candy and that kiddie glee that comes from being hopped up on too many Sweet-Tarts and mini Reese's Cups.

When the vision of tucking an exhausted Luke Skywalker into bed with chocolate still smeared across his face and a light saber still locked tight in his grasp, I calmed the reactionary voice that panicked, "What will I do if he's not here?"

Instead, I considered all of my options to make my own arrangements, put together my own costume (just like I did last year) have my own fun with friends, skipping around in the dark.

I'm not sure what I will do yet, but I feel better knowing there is a plan in place, and that it started -- and will end -- with it all being OK.

If this is how it is, then I will make it work.  And you can count on a fair amount of spandex, cleavage and candy of my own is going to help me out with that.

Will you do some trick-or-treating of your own? What is your plan for Halloween?

Comments

[Jennifer]

I can completely understand this! I felt the same when when I saw my ex's visitation was on Halloween. But he'll be picking Noah up after we trick or treat this year. Otherwise I'd be worrying that Noah didn't get to trick or treat, or hoping that the grandparents or cousins took him, since the ex isn't known for his follow through on this stuff. I'm trying not to worry about next year when it'll be completely out of my hands. I'm glad you were able to work out a solution that made you feel better.

[Lis C.]

We did it this way for years: he took them begging for candy, and I stayed home passing out candy and snapping photos of cute neighbor kids who came to my door.Added bonus:Even in the safe suburbs, I was more comfortable having the kids with a man and myself at home.The last time I took the kids trick-or-treatring, there was teaming rain and the temperature was below freezing, making me wonder why I thought it was going to be fun. Happy Halloween!