A year to the week: Back to court

I stopping in the middle of my week to try to settle myself, to just take a look around.

This week, we will celebrate Lil E's fourth birthday. This week, we will turn my parents' backyard once again into a party full of kids and snacks and more presents than we will know what to do with.

This week, I will cuddle my boy and remember what it was like to hold my swollen belly four years ago and to wonder what it would feel like and be like to have him in my arms.

This week, we will also mark a year from the day my marriage fell apart, setting me on the path to single motherhood and a life I never imagined for myself.

Today, though, before we mark those moments, we go back to the courtroom with lawyers and spreadsheets and a supina and all the emotion and prayers it takes to separate the financial part of our long-over relationship.

After the last pretrial conference to settle and sign our parenting agreement, I've told myself that this part is easier, all about numbers, factual and devoid of the investment that visitation and educational decisions require. 

I've been centering on thoughts of forgiveness and release and I've called upon my grrrlfriends and music and my parents to remind me of how to stand tall, be still and stay as quiet as I can in the chaos of the negotiations batted around the courtroom hallway.

On the advice of one my best friends, an attorney who gets it, I will be wearing what she calls The Pearls of Believability.

I'm not sure what will come of today, but I will go in prepared -- my divorce binder full and at the ready, my mantra playing softly in the background of my thoughts, dressed for the part and ready to tick off this event on my calendar.

This is a big day, yes. On the other side of it, up next, is my boy's birthday. And isn't that proof enough that, past all the tough anniversaries, life does go on?

Comments

[Lia]

Makes me so sad to read But, BUT! so proud of you for being so strong! You have held your head high. You kick ass dress and pearl MUST work!

[Barb]

Best of luck to you...you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. My soon-to-be-ex is finally meeting with an attorney this afternoon to decide whether he'll sign the papers or contest it. We've been separated almost five months now but I just want this to be over so that I can move on. I can't imagine how you feel after a year and it's still dragging on. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing on this blog...I only discovered the single parent blogosphere about a week ago but it has been so much help to me already. Just to know that I'm not alone...that others have been here, are here, and life does go on. Bless you all!