Lil E Explains: What Mommy should wear

In the car, on the way home from school, I reminded Lil E that the babysitter would be arriving in an hour or so and that I'd be going out to a big party.

"We have to get home and clean up and I also have to decide what to wear," I tagged on to the end of my paragraph about our evening plans.

"What are you going to wear?" Lil E asked, sucking down a juice box in the car seat.

"I don't know." I was going through my options in my head. Denim trousers? Maybe. Wrap dress? I'd consider it. Jeans and drapey shirt? Also a possibility.

But Lil E had ideas of his own.

"MOMMY!" he announced with emphasis on the key words, "I think you should wear COWBOY BOOTS, a SKIRT and one of those BOOB THINGS."

"One of those boob things?" I was confused.

"Yeah, one of those boob things." He acted like I should know exactly which boob thing, not to mention what a boob thing is to begin with.

"What boob thing?" I peeked in the rear view mirror to see him explain.

"Youuuuuu know!" He was maybe a little too chipper. And then the hands went up in some kind of twirling, wrapping, circular gesture. "One of thoooooose things that wraps all around your boobs."

"Ohhhh," I nodded. I got it. "A bra?"

"YEAH! MOMMY! You should wear COWBOY BOOTS, a SKIRT and a BRA! Mommy, you SHOULD!"

I had the complete vision in my head and it simultaneously entertained and disturbed me.

"So what kind of reaction do you think that would get?" If I was confused before, I was completely curious now.

And he was just confident.

"You would walk into your party and everyone would say, 'OOH! Look at Mommy, she's so SASSY!'"

"Sassy, huh?"

"Yeah, Mommy. Really sassy."

Ohhhh, honey honey honey. That's why I love you. Because you see me like that. Well, except maybe minus the boob thing. 

Let's all just try to focus on the sass and boots and skirt and big entrance and forget all about the boob thing.