This month has come to a close in some strange and chaotic ways for my family. At the beginning of the month, a fellow blogger at Chicago Moms Blog, Mary Anne Mohanraj, wrote one of the most poignant, raw and courageous posts I've ever read. It made my heart swell up that women, mothers are using this venue to voice their true selves and that all the nonsense and exhaustion of building traffic and meta tags and whatnot could give way for even a few brief moments for such honesty and exploration. Mary Anne put her fears on to the screen and told everyone who read exactly what she was scared to write about. She made me think and weeks later, her post is with me as we three, Bruce and Lil E and I, tumble along in the tide of our lives.
We're having a tough time. I've reserved the details for my grrrlfriends and family and professional counsel-givers. While I'm not ready (nor do I think it is necessary or appropriate) to strip down completely, I do know that some good is coming out of this all.
I know that the work I did to undo my own stress and feelings of being overwhelmed at work and in my volunteer commitments and strapped schedule has helped me take the time and energy and focus to deal with our family issues. I also know that taking some small steps to take care of myself in the last few weeks has helped me to take care of myself in the middle of otherwise-upset. I was already in that frame of mind, so calling out to my tribe of women to please call me, email me, check in on me, surround me with their energy and advice and goodness and smart-assness and sense of humor and distractions and love, felt like a natural next step rather than an intrusion or unnecessary drama.
Of course, my grrrls saddled right up beside me and have been amazing. As has my family. We will be in a better place. Eventually. And in the meantime, I am reminding myself that just because this blog is named Sassafrass, I don't always feel that way and it is OK to be real here about that, especially when the full-body truth is now living right here in our home.
I'm giving myself permission to work less because what I do requires focus and wit, and right now, I am not feeling very funny or snarky or clever. It is hard to write about potty training or Lindsey Lohan or Elmo or McDolty the new Bachelor when my mind is on much bigger, pressing things. And I am trying -- TRYING -- for that all to be OK too.
I am also repeating over and over to myself the words my brother reminded me of yesterday that I told him years ago: In the end, it will all be OK. And if it's not OK, it's not the end.
I don't remember who said that, but it still stands true. So there it is, my friends. As naked as I can be right now.
There are good things to come, I know. And gifts to emerge. I will try my best to share them as they too are revealed.