What can be saved?

I am up too early on very little sleep and virtually no food. My marriage, in one short and painfully long month, is unraveling. I am exhausted. I am trying to keep moving, keep working so that there is some stability, peace, clarity in this home, especially for our son but also for me. It is hard when depression lives in this apartment with us. We are in so much therapy and trying to be in more.

I pray, deep into my core, that we can work through this, and together.  I am trying very hard and I know I cannot try alone. We've had a big, big love and I still do.

This blog began as a love letter to my son, my husband and my life. And like most long-term love letters, the silliness and heartache and challenges and ooh-iness and goobiness has all been tucked inside. Now all of that - and more that I could never have seen coming - spills over on the screen, in my churning thoughts, on my living room floor.

My own Project: Life Change seems to have taken a turn. I'm not just trying to save my marriage, I am trying to take care of myself. And both feel just so big right now.

Comments

[foodmomiac]

Oh Jess. Not sure what to even say, but you know I'm here.

[Ivy]

*hugs* Man, I'm there for you if you need me.

[TC]

I know where you are. I've been on both sides of that divide, and I can't say which one's more difficult. Actually, I can almost say that it's easier to be depressed, because you're at least in the midst of what is going on, rather than being destroyed by it without your explicit participation.

You have as many good thoughts as I can send...and I'm sure those therapists are saying this to you, too: You have to save yourself. It's of no use to anyone if he takes you down with him.

[Marketing Mommy]

Thinking positive, supportive thoughts on your behalf. Anyone who says motherhood is the hardest job in the world is kidding herself. Making a marriage work--particularly after adding kids to the picture--is so much harder.

[zoe]

i'm in the same boat. between individual and couples counseling i feel like all i do is examine myself. i'm raw from examination and sadly things are no better. i've started focusing more on me and what i need to do for myself so that i can be a good mother to my kids regardless of what happens with me and the idiot. good luck.

[JB/Go-Go Mommy]

Just wanted to let you know that another person is sending warm and postive thoughts and hugs to you via cyberspace.

[Jill Asher]

Big hugs, Jess.I am sorry you are going through a rough time, and I wish I was closer to give you some girlfriend comfort!!!

I am thinking of you...... please take care of yourself.....

jill

[Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass)]

I am so overwhelmed and grateful for all the support you've all offered. Marketing Mommy, I think you are right on. The work of marriage with children is a much bigger challenge than I ever imagined. And Zoe, I am relating to your comment a lot right now. This is the power of the internets, powerful women, in helping us stand together to be stronger, and for all you're offering here -- honesty, hugs, support -- I am so thankful.

[Jenny]

I don't know you, but enjoy reading your blog. ((Hugs)) to you, and please know that I am thinking of you...