Farewell to 2007

It is the first day of 2008. It has been a long year full of many moments, some magical, some memorable, some lost in the dust of an ending marriage. Some of what has been is being swept up to clear space for new things, new plans, new ways of living.

And as much as I might say that with some very real sense of centeredness, the details of clearing space, the logistics of finding space, the exhaustion of making space are all still very real, very present.

For the first time as a parent, I hired a babysitter on New Year's Eve, put on something sparkly and had a very fun night. For me, the investment was far beyond the cash I handed over to the adorable and lovely sitter perched on my parents' couch with her laptop and cup of tea and hand-knit funky hat. It was an investment in what I had and am releasing and what is ahead and full of possibility.

For the first time ever, I heard the words of Auld Lang Syne with (more) understanding (because I am pretty sure we're not meant to completely get that song, which is why we usually sing it drunky) and I felt ready for a few farewells as I toasted and welcomed the New Year. At least for now, I say good-bye to the things and ways and people I know may return in some form or another, but that I need to let go of to ring in what I really need:

Farewell to not feeling healthy or happy or at home in my own home.

Farewell, at least for now, to my former home.

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Linkety Dinkety Doo: Blogs for the In-Between

I love these days in between holidays when it is OK to let down a little, when it feels right to just be, just wait for New Years to begin again. In that spirit, here are five blogs I'm loving right now as I settle into this space before 2008 and all of the hopeful adventures, new challenges and resolution of old business begins:

Single Mom Seeking - If you haven't read her book (which I can't wait to buy with a lovely book store gift certificate already burning a hole in my little pocket), you should read her blog. Rachel Sarah is not only an engaging, funny and clever writer, I love that she is not afraid to honestly approach the real, tough and really tough issues of dating, sex and single motherhood. Love her. Love her. Love this blog.

Intent Blog - This blog by Deepak Chopra and his peeps is full of bites of spiritual goodness that will center you and make you think throughout the day. Bookmark, open your palms to sky and breathe it in, baby.

MamaPop - They are not (ahem) my only source of parenting/celeb goss but they do manage to make me laugh out loud in front of my laptop at least once a day. How can you argue with that?

Ask Moxie - I know, I know...you already know/love/correspond daily with Moxie, but can a little reminder hurt? After months of blog avoidance, I am back on The Mox. And dayum, does it feel good.

Mamazine - The writing here is just...sigh, the writing here. There are a bezillion mommy sites but none like Mamazine. I imagine this is an old fave for many of you brilliant layyyydayyys, but in case it is new to you, do read. Do do do read.

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With care

Life changes but still, Christmas comes.

My mom said that a few weeks ago, and even though, in that moment, I couldn't wrap my mind around gifts and Christmas cheer, here we are. We're here.

It is not the Christmas I would have painted six or eight months ago, maybe even weeks ago. But here it is. And there is grace. In my boy's uncontrollable giggles at an Elmo holiday special. At his sheer delight in every little detail of Santa and in the growing pile of packages under the tree. In the candlelight ceremony we will witness for our 24th Christmas Eve and the same glow that filled me up when I was an acolyte at the altar, when Bruce proposed as the Toccata played six years ago, as I've felt these last three years with Lil E snuggled in a sling or curled into my lap or splayed across the pew beside me. No matter what changes, there is that glow.

This is my favorite day of the year and I've decided that no one can take that from me, no one can change that. There is so much promise and peace in the songs and the smells and the anticipation of what the morning will bring, and today, I embrace all of it.

***

With just a dusting of snow and bitter wind blowing past the windows in Lil E's room this morning, I lifted him out of his bed and pulled him into me tight.

"Happy Christmas Eve!" I said and he giggled.

"I love you the most," I whispered. "You are my sunshine."

He was quiet for a few minutes as we gathered his babies from the bed to take into the living room. Then he leaned into my folded arms, put his head on my shoulder, patted my cheek.

"Hey, you know what, Mommy?" he asked with wide eyes. "I love you. And you are my sunshine."

Oh my. Santa is going to be very, very good to this kid this year.

***
Happy, happy holidays, beautiful Sassafriends. May you feel the sunshine in your own life in these days and in the days ahead.

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