If you are the praying kind

I was up too late last night again, but I was laughing and talking politics and kids and other good stuff on the phone and so it felt good and fun and worth the hours that slipped away from my sleep. And when I got off the phone to finally go to bed, I did what I do on most nights just before I turn off all the lights, wash my face, get a glass of water and check in on the boy one last time -- I breezed through my email, Twitter, Facebook.

My calm came to halt when I saw a post from the daughter of a friend asking for prayers for her mother - a young, vibrant, busy, amazing woman - who suffered a stroke yesterday. This friend has, without hesitation and with the kind of heart most people are afraid to reveal, supported my family during the toughest of times and during this past year.  I still have a calendar of Maya Angelou quotes and a beautiful votive candle with a sweet, spiritual quote inscribed on it that she sent when my brother was unconscious and we were all very scared about what would come in the hours and days and weeks to follow.

I lit that candle last night for my friend. Once a single mother herself, she's now the mother and stepmother of nine kids. She is kind and honest and so close to my own age that I had a moment of panic all parents have at all the unexpected things that can and do happen. I also know this woman is strong in body and spirit and faith, which I hope will reassure the many family members and friends I am sure are surrounding her today.

I believe - no, honestly, I have felt - the healing power of putting warm, positive energy into the universe. Whether you prayer or send up a good thought or meditate, will you please join me centering on this friend today? That her doctors and caregivers will be guided, her family will feel some peace and rest, and that she will get whatever it is she needs today to make her way back.

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Spent

It was a weekend to exhale. That didn't mean there was a lot of relaxing, though. Lil E's Friday night meltdown seeped into Saturday and he came home Sunday to tell me he "had a tough time with Daddy" and needed to talk. I knew that meant he needed a quiet day to transition back to his life at our home during this already-big transition to our life right now.

I canceled our plans to go sledding and instead, took down the Christmas decorations while he played quietly with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Baby Jesus (who knew this pairing would be such a natural send off for the child savior before being packed away for another year).

I wasn't sorry to be quiet and still -- or at least, more quiet and still -- than I anticipated. I pressed through the weekend, staying out late and having fun but not taking any time to process all that went on in the week before. We had a good Sunday, a happy Sunday, staying close to home and each other. And in between songs playing softer than usual from my laptop, I realized that I need more of this.

It's not a revolutionary thought. In fact, it is the recurring realization that keeps my therapist going on cruises with my co-pays. But once again, it was good to be still enough to hear how much I need some and space to let this all sink in. I'm OK, just ready for a new way of living.

Maybe Lil E and I both need that. And while we are moving through this week at a slower pace, I have a feeling this song's going to be playing often. Not loudly, just often.

(Shhh, it's Sia's Breathe Me. You've probably heard it already. Do sit back, take a moment with me and listen again. You know it will soothe you.)

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Peek in as a meltdown at the snowy playground progresses

It's Friday evening, which is always a little bit harder and always requires a little cool off time in the car to Jeff Buckley (and really, was there ever a better song recorded than his version of Hallelujah? I think not). And this particular Friday evening, emotions are even higher. I'm relieved, Lil E's processing and it feels like we are both, in our own ways, letting down. 

My intention was to let Lil E burn some of the end-of-week wackiness by running around the school playground for a bit while I checked out the night setting on my new (speaking of an hallelujah) camera. Such a lovely thought. Soon after, the ritual Friday night stop off at Starbucks for vanilla scones, milk and coffee was canned and the whole bag of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went into toy time-out. For the whole weekend. It was serious, my friends.

Fortunately, after a rather quiet ride home with some calm guitar-driven musical intervention, there were apologies and discussion and much hugging it out. He's off with his dad now for what is sure to be a low-key weekend and I am off to play a bit myself.  A break from all the business of divorce - and hell, even each other - is necessary sometimes and these pictures just show some of that. We're good, and after some more quiet time, we will be better.

In case you haven't had enough tantrums at your playground today, scroll down to take part in our unraveling.

 

 

 

 

It's not funny! It is NOT funny when a kid cries for no apparent reason. IT IS NOT FUNNY! OK...it's a little funny.

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