is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
With care
Monday, December 24, 2007 
Life changes but still, Christmas comes.
My mom said that a few weeks ago, and even though, in that moment, I couldn't wrap my mind around gifts and Christmas cheer, here we are. We're here.
It is not the Christmas I would have painted six or eight months ago, maybe even weeks ago. But here it is. And there is grace. In my boy's uncontrollable giggles at an Elmo holiday special. At his sheer delight in every little detail of Santa and in the growing pile of packages under the tree. In the candlelight ceremony we will witness for our 24th Christmas Eve and the same glow that filled me up when I was an acolyte at the altar, when Bruce proposed as the Toccata played six years ago, as I've felt these last three years with Lil E snuggled in a sling or curled into my lap or splayed across the pew beside me. No matter what changes, there is that glow.
This is my favorite day of the year and I've decided that no one can take that from me, no one can change that. There is so much promise and peace in the songs and the smells and the anticipation of what the morning will bring, and today, I embrace all of it.
***
With just a dusting of snow and bitter wind blowing past the windows in Lil E's room this morning, I lifted him out of his bed and pulled him into me tight.
"Happy Christmas Eve!" I said and he giggled.
"I love you the most," I whispered. "You are my sunshine."
He was quiet for a few minutes as we gathered his babies from the bed to take into the living room. Then he leaned into my folded arms, put his head on my shoulder, patted my cheek.
"Hey, you know what, Mommy?" he asked with wide eyes. "I love you. And you are my sunshine."
Oh my. Santa is going to be very, very good to this kid this year.
***
Happy, happy holidays, beautiful Sassafriends. May you feel the sunshine in your own life in these days and in the days ahead.
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