Heart in the middle

We got home last night and both of us were exhausted. I'd been running all day -- around the park, with work, trying to fit a week's worth of to-dos into two too-short days. Lil E had been running all day also -- around the playground, on the obstacle course in his classroom, leaping from the car to the front porch to my dad's lap. But there were pies to bake and in a tradition that goes back to when I was a little girl with my grandmother in the kitchen, it was our job.

It is one time of the year that I don't mind cliches, and so I poured a glass of wine, prepped my ingredients, pushed up Lil E's sleeves and set about our labor of love. Lil E and my dad cranked the apple peeler, my mom dug through cabinets for corn syrup and mixing bowls, kept me company and conferred with me on the details of each recipe.

I brought my favorite measuring cups and spoons, but we used tools my mother now keeps that my grandmother once used. The pie pans and pastry mixer and cookie sheets are worn with decades worth of use, and it always makes me feel like I am doing a better job by placing my hands and dough on the same handles and surfaces my mother and grandmother did.

We made apple, a favorite for me and my dad, and pecan for my other grandmother and aunt, and a chocolate truffle experiment at the request of the small child. As much as I love those hours putting pies together, it got late, Lil E got tired, and I felt rushed to get home and finish work left on my laptop screen.

And so the pies were not perfection. Not that they ever are, but they are not as pretty or symmetrical or tidy as I would like them to be. I wanted to linger over the fluting and even out the pecans, but my time and energy was drained. I needed to be done. Just before I slipped them into the oven, I put all those expectations aside and carved a heart into the top crust of the apple pie. Nothing fancy, very uneven. I just felt there needed to be a heart there in the center.

Hours later, Lil E was sound asleep and I was wrapping up work and the movie "The Waitress" came to mind, the one with Keri Russell as the diner server who escapes her small town existence and unhappy marriage by baking pies. It wasn't so much the storyline or many crazy recipes she makes that crept into my thoughts as the song she sings throughout the movie. I needed to find it right then, felt compelled to hear the lyrics to the song that I knew I would recognize when I heard the first few bars.

As soon as I pressed play, I knew I'd found it. It's lovely, simple, perhaps a little too sweet. What got me, though, were the unexpected lines in the middle of the chorus, words I hadn't remembered at all.

Right there, after the familiar

Baby, don't you cry

Gonna make a pie

was nestled

Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle

and followed by

Baby, don't be blue

Gonna make for you

and once again

Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle

The poetry of it is not complex and is cliche. It is that time of year, though, where those words are welcome, when the hands working all working all kinds of dishes come into contact are inspired by much more than a recipe or exquisitely peeled apple or the smell of sage, when the only way to set aside the distraction of time and demands and family complications is to just stop for a moment and make a place for the heart.

It's all a big slice of sappiness, I know this. I choose to believe that the song came to me for a reason, as a reminder, as something to sing when I forget how unimportant precise measurements, prettiness and perfection really are.

Listen. Enjoy. Have a blessed Thanksgiving.

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Lil E explains: The hereafter

On death: Wait..wait..waaaaiiiit. When you die, does your body automatically go to the gravestone. When your body dies, is it already in the gravestone? Or...how does it get right in there? What about your spirit? It's in the gravestone, too, right?

On transcendence: What is your spirit? Is that like, "Ooooooooooooooohhhh, I'm a ghoooooooosssssst! Oooohhhhhh...."? Like all spooky at the gravestone?

On what happens next: I think heaven is like going on vacation. But you don't need a plane because, like, YOU are the plane. Then -- blooop! -- you go right to your vacation in heaven!

On the many possibilities: So some people think everything gets all black and it's then it's like over, for real life? Orrrrr, you could go to heaven. OR --ooh! Mommy! -- you can come back to life as a dog or kid or something? Like, I could come back as a kid who is smart and funny and knows all about Star Wars? I think I believe in heaven. What do you believe? I think I believe in heaven, too, Mommy. And we will all be there together. And we can play games and stuff!

On God: God has a cane. He does!  He really does! A creaky old man cane. Like, "Crrrreaaakkkkk, I'm an ollllld, ollllld man. Where is Jesus?" When I see God in heaven, I will say, "Hey, God, where's your cane?" and I will do this thing [stroking an imaginary beard] on my beard like he does...and like Grandpa! HAHAHA. God and Grandpa both have beards!

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An excuse to escape all kinds of turkeys this weekend

The idea of trading in your leftovers and in-laws for a night brightened by expensive put-your-eye-out glow-up plastic whirly white tiger toys and pretzels slathered in nacho cheese might not be your idea of how the holiday should be spent. OR...it could be the Best. Thanksgiving. Weekend. Ever. At the circus, which has moved over to the United Center and the Chicago tour stretches through this holiday weekend. 

Still not convinced? Consider this:

It's too dark to see a football game and too loud to listen to that one great-aunt tell that one story again. Those inadequate paper hot dog holders don't need to be hand-washed. No matter how much you dole out on souvenir toys that the kids will leave in the car and forget all about hours later, you will be spending far less money than you would if you were standing in line at Toys R Us.

We saw this season's show, ZING ZANG ZOOM at the beginning of the Chicago tour. Lil E adored the funny, little trained dogs and played "tiger tamer" for days and days. Just as last year, I loved the amazing aerial acrobats, who gracefully maneuvered themselves in, out, climbing up and sliding down beautiful floor-to-ceiling fabrics. It lacked the "oh!" moments that last year's show had, which my parents and I agreed was more cohesive, even glamorous. But really, this is the circus, people. It's fun, crazy, and all about the silly. It's a good time, and a bigger show that, all tallied costs the same or less than seeing a movie this weekend.

A note to parents of sensitive kiddos: ZING ZANG ZOOM has many loud booms and flashes. I would have packed ear plugs to soothe my own boy's ears and fears had I known.

There are plenty of shows playing this weekend in Chicago (click here to find one that fits in your schedule). If you live outside this fair and freezing city, get tickets before the train pulls into your town. Best of all, Sassafrass readers can purchase tickets at a special rate of $44 for a 4-pack of tickets (valid Monday-Thursday and Friday Matinees, excluding holidays) and can save $4 on all weekend shows by logging onto Ticketmaster and entering the coupon code: MOM.

Have you seen ZING ZANG ZOOM? What did you think?

We were given tickets to see and review ZING ZANG ZOOM. If you and your family would like to see the show, please do take advantage of the reduced Sassafrass rate.

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